Opposite action
When a feeling doesn't fit the facts, or obeying it would make things worse, do the opposite of what it urges, all the way.
Key takeaways
- Every emotion comes with an urge. Fear says avoid, shame says hide, anger says attack, sadness says withdraw.
- When the feeling doesn't fit the facts, or acting on it won't help, following the urge keeps the feeling going. Doing the opposite helps it shift.
- Do it all the way: your posture, voice and face as well as the action. Through gritted teeth, it works less well.
Peter and the rabbit
In 1924, the psychologist Mary Cover Jones worked with a little boy in New York, known in her report as Peter, who was terrified of rabbits. While Peter ate a snack he enjoyed, she brought a rabbit in a cage a little closer, session by session. Over a few months his fear faded, until he was happily playing with it.
It's often described as one of the first cases of what became exposure therapy. Fear shrinks when you approach what you're afraid of, safely and gradually, and grows when you keep avoiding it. Marsha Linehan took that finding and applied it to every emotion, not just fear.
Every feeling has an urge
The urge, and its opposite
- Fear
Urge: avoid, escape. Opposite: approach, step by step, and stay.
- Shame
Urge: hide, look away. Opposite: show up, head up, and be seen.
- Anger
Urge: attack, argue. Opposite: step away gently, and do or think something kind.
- Sadness
Urge: withdraw, stay in bed. Opposite: get active, and get around people.
Opposite action isn't for every feeling. When an emotion fits the facts and acting on it would help, follow it: fear of a real danger should make you leave. The skill is for when the feeling is bigger than the situation, or when obeying it would make your life worse.
Question 1 of 2
Opposite action, or not? Decide whether each feeling fits the facts and whether acting on it would help.
- You're afraid to speak in team meetings, though nothing bad has ever happened when you have.
- You feel afraid walking home on a dark road where a car keeps slowing beside you.
- After a breakup, you've canceled every plan for three weeks and spend weekends in bed.
- You're angry with yourself for a typo in an email and want to hide from your coworkers all day.
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All the way
DBT is specific about this: do the opposite action fully. If shame says hide and you go to work but stare at the floor all day, you are still half-hiding. Head up, normal voice, eye contact. If anger says attack and you walk away but replay the argument in your head the whole time, you are still half-attacking.
Keep doing it until the feeling starts to shift. That can take a few repetitions, not just one.
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Leo's weekend
Six weeks after his girlfriend ended things, Leo has stopped going to his Saturday soccer game, ignores his friends' texts, and spends weekends in bed watching his phone. Each Sunday night he feels flatter than the week before. A friend has invited him to a barbecue this Saturday. His sadness says: "What's the point? I'll just bring everyone down."
Question 2 of 2
Sources and further reading
- Jones, M. C. (1924). A laboratory study of fear: The case of Peter. Pedagogical Seminary, 31, 308-315.
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
Finish the lesson
0 of 2 questions done. Answer the rest to finish.